Virgin? Really?

Ok...Erased a full block of around 12 lines....and why? For it was about life and I was trying to take a shot at making fun of it. But somehow got the feel, its always life that wins in the end. I may end up writing a blog post or a funny one liner but its Life that will have the last laugh.

Had heard this earlier in life and just thought of it as yet another interesting funny one liner. But then I have felt it and the feeling goes so deep that it is beyond any cribbing. "Nobody dies a virgin. Life screws everyone".

Somehow I always wanted to see life in the form of "Liv Tyler" draped in white, descending from the skies, and taking me in her arms and telling me for one last time...yet again...that Life is worth living for the sheer pleasure of enjoying her beauty(?). For now its the responsibilities, the relationships, the many commitments that you have which makes us look at life from a conformist's viewpoint. And its not me. Its everyone, behind the masquerades that they have put on for different people..different environments, each of us has a wish for something better, something different. As much as everyone would disagree, I might never come to terms with their disagreement. I never will.

I am not a disbeliever, nor a pessimist. I love to look at life from a glass window that is crystal clear...unstained. But ain't it true that we all have our own "What If..." and "काश...". Any answers why?

Its probably in the run up to these what if's that we find our own pleasures....for maybe the seeking is really bigger than the attainment. Maybe it was never about getting what you wanted. Maybe it was always about the pursuit. And maybe....just maybe...we all find our places in the crowd. To each his own. A no name face is a face afterall.

उस रात की बात...

इस आखरी जश्न में
एक ज़िन्दगी और जी लेते हैं ..

शायद आखरी रात है ...
बस आज और पी लेते हैं ..

कुछ लम्हे रह जायेंगे
खुरदुरी सी यादों के ..

और टुकड़े बच जायेंगे
सपनों की बातों के ..

वो आस बस रहेगी ..
और दिल फिर कहेगा ..

वो बात कुछ और थी..
ये बात कुछ और है..

वो शाम कुछ और थी ..
ये शाम कुछ और है..

Sounds in Silence

The sounds get louder. And then you stop hearing your own voice.
You stop hearing your own thoughts.
They curse you. You curse them.
Selflessness perishes. Self interest prevails.
Perversion is visible now. In thoughts and in action.

Who was right? Who is wrong?
Doesn't matter.
Nobody bothers.

You die. They die. You wish they didn't.

Life's Unfair or is it just me?

Quiet
Jilted
It lay there
Wilted

Hope
And Pain
Salty Eyes
Thirsty Rain

Moist cheeks
Someone cried
Said and Forgotten
But the Rose just died


Crib. Yet Another Crib. For when expectation doesn't meet your desperation, this is the best refuge you can take. I do. I run for shelter at the first sight of trouble, or so has been the case lately. I remember a quote from Helen Keller- "Life is either a daring adventure....or nothing". Am I then living in a nothingness and cursing it? Who is to be blamed?

Till Death Do Us Part

Something I wrote in yet another class a couple of days back. Something that could have been written in two ways and for some reason ended up taking this shape. Most of those who read it have not liked a couple of facts about it. I still cannot understand why though.

This is something which I had in mind for a long time. Had to get out one way or the other. And I preferred it this way.

Ghalib

Humne maana ke taghafful na karoge lekin
Khaak ho jaayenge hum tumko khabar hone tak..

The Not So Sweet Nothings..

Nagme hain, shikwe hain..
Kisse hain, baatein hain

Baatein bhool jaati hain..
Yaadein yaad aati hain..

Yeh yaadein kisi dil-o-jaanam ke
Chale jaane ke baad aati hain..
Yaadein...

Bandhan ho to chhodein..
Darpan ho to todein..
Hum sab hain mushkil mein..
Yeh dil hai is dil mein..
Yaadein...

Duniya mein hum saare..
Yaadon ke hai maare..
Kuch kushiyaan, thode gham..
Yeh humse, inse hum..
Yaadein..Yaadein..

Strip-ping Again!

Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime..

Randomness Again....

इस आईने में सब सियाह नज़र आते हैं
ये रंग है आईने का या लोग बदल जाते हैं...

इक अरसे से बैठे थे, किसी के इंतज़ार में 
हम यहीं रह गए, वो छू के निकल जाते हैं...

ये नकाबपोशों का शहर है, हर चेहरा छुपा जाते हैं
दर्द देते हैं गहरा, फिर दोस्त बन के आते हैं...

नाराजगी है ख़ुद से, क्यूँ ख्वाब में वो आते हैं
और क्यूँ उसी मुस्कराहट पे हम अब भी जिए जाते हैं... 

Something that started off on a movie outing night...in a Pizza Hut, and was completed the next day in an Eco Class..

Strip-ping

Ok, this is something new I have been trying my hands on. Yeah yeah, punny (funny?) name of the post. I seriously don't know why.

A Tryst with Destiny (?)

I met a lady the other day,
"Luck is my name", she did say..
Respectfully, I got out of the way
"Ladies first", I did pray.
Surprized and Smiling, she went away...

Another one from inside the classroom. I wonder if this is how they had planned to bring out creativity in the students. By the way, wrote this one in our Managerial Communication (ManComm) class. Pretty sure this is exactly how a mangerial communication should/will/must not proceed.

Random Perceptions about a Statistical Disadvantage

- An ode to a concept called Class Participation (CP)

"Oh Sir- is it because of the food chain?"

"-or is it really the monetary gain?"

Looking back in disdain,

I pray to God...not again!

Class Participation or so they say,

Is Bright sunshine, so make some hay

"WTF?", you express dismay..

This, my friends, is Em Bee Yay!

Left my job, Forgot "Friday"

Borrowed millions, just to pay.

And all for what?

-Bloody tape-recorders play!

Insanity-thou art CP..

Boggles me, makes me sleepy

Reiteration, Desperation and......Reiteration

And by the way- we are the "cream of our nation".

I must add here that I am thankful to the Professors here at IIMB, who instilled in me enough desire and woke up (pun definitely intended) the creative (?) side of me.

You see, MBA does weird stuff to you- this was written during a really "interesting" MO (Managing Organizations) lecture. Ohh and I must add, it was only the second lecture of that course....

I am desperate to keep my sanity (no pun intended) close to me but then is it my fault really? 

My Overkill?

Its tough to take this decision of resuming blogging....for I want to commit to this activity and then any laziness on my part to not write this blog will eventually make me feel guilty about it...so I will have to try to keep up (with me?)

Here goes with a very interesting song i have heard recently (Thanks to Scrubs for that)...I saw the original version of this song as well- it goes at a faster tempo though but sounds equally good. I have always felt the need for good lyrics in a song in order to like it...and this doesn't fall short at that end either. Below are the lyrics to the song aptly named "Overkill"

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away

The video to the song:

(Incomplete )

Main Kaun Hoon?
Har jashn ka dhuan hoon
har ishq ki wafa hoon
har ashq mein saza hoon
hoon aabroo, haya hoon

hoon main nirakar bhi
hoon aasma ke paar bhi

Nostalgia

Didn't feel anything at the nostalgia today....did not have time for it...went, ate and came...that was it...I don't know what the repercussions are all about..I suddenly played the songs of Yaadein...remember them clearly as those were the ones I used to hear during ragging...missed home..I had a a walkman...probably Abhijeet's- my next door neighbor at that time......he is currently in Delhi, probably having forgotten all about me and gearing up hard for his IAS thingy...Well, Best of Luck to him..

I have seen a lot in these five years here..probably like everyone else..a little more maybe..but I never wished or rather saw myself bidding farewell to this place so easily...I was hurt when people left last time...but didn't feel it before everything happened...but then, most of them were not the people I care the most about..

This time the 'thesis' has made the idea of being nostalgic more unapproachable for me. I don't have time, or to put it truly, the energy to think of that. And I know the time to come is not easy. Just want everything to be ok once I move out from here...and want most of us to stay connected. And also wish for the unspoken difficulties to not happen..Let live in peace.

Andhiyon se jhagad rahi hai lau meri..

I have never been good at accepting challenges and living up to them. But the time must come...now. For when else is the life going to offer a more pleasing practice ground to prepare yourself for the real challenges.

Being a Jack of All and the Master of None lands me up in the pits of inferiority complexes more than once but rarely do I get out as a winner. Writing just helps me vent out the momentary frustrations but I have no idea if it will also help me overlook the "Loser" tag that i have learnt to associate myself with.

Innocence Lost Forever

I miss a lot. With all the innocence, all the selflessness, all the simplicity gone out of life....I feel incomplete. The school life, which I would hence use to refer to a part of life that is particularly being missed the most and is seen as containing the aforementioned properties, is long gone and cannot be recalled. No vivid pictures though but faint beautiful memories that touch deep down.

The trickling of tears, when the friends you liked the most, hurt you. The blushing at the sight of a "School Heart-throb ", every single boy/girl feeling that the "Heart-throb" just looked at him/her. Making fun of the teachers, in their absence by mimicking their most annoying habit or in their presence, by imitating their gestures while maintaining a status quo in getting the punishment of standing near the blackboard daily.

Why don't people remember everything that was good...That was the life when you did not learn to be shrewd, when you could not even spell the word "treacherous". I miss being with friends that were a party in all those things labeled "indisciplined", I miss being the "intelligent" boy of the class and still being able to carry out all that is not expected from such a guy.

Its a different world now. Complicated, Complex and Cruel. I am changed and am part of the wicked mentality with more like me. I miss not being able to follow a routine where completing the homework was the only irritating thing and the reasons to cheer up were as simple as a TV show which I liked. But then the feelings crept in.

I am a bad person today. I miss not being able to weep at reasons where I should have if I were- myself 5 years back. I still do...Sometimes...And tears have suddenly started trickling down today at the remembrance of the things that will never be back. Change it must and Changed have they. But I still want a bigger memory space so that changes are accommodated not at the expense of things you liked...Ever.

For these are the moments when I understand the true meaning of Love...Its too different from the picture we perceive of it. Sinner am I like no one else. I have my own big account of sins which are seemingly unmanageable by the Higher authority too. But still, something tells me in these moments that Love converges into Him....And I have felt it sometimes.

God, you have been kind to me for everything in spite of me being a person not supposed to be in your good books. I pray to turn my soul in to that which it was years back. I pray for the happiness that came with the times when I finished my homework in school, when I knew I had all time in the home to watch TV and go out in the evening with my friends. I pray for me...Selfishly...Because as yet I am still the one who has forgotten the Innocence, the selflessness, the love, the truth.

Irony

Odd..Strange..Why this? The last four days have been a holidaying experience for me, though I never found them as enjoyable but to others they always seemed like a BIG break from the phase of 'absolutely-no-work' that I was in. And today, different.
Each hour very different than the previous. Me has got 7 more minutes before exiting this post or rather 4 more minutes.
I dont know the hows and whys of my nature. Has it been changing gradually or have I been this mood swinger of the sorts that I am?

Agar ye khwaab hai to mujhe jaga de ae khuda,
Bardaasht nahin hote ab in band aankhon ke ashq..

Musing

I have been listening to Jagjit Singh's ghazals since this morning. They were always like this...touching..but there seems to be an underlying unknown feeling with them today. Post CAT Depression?????? I don't think so...or maybe I don't really know.

The two songs..."Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho" and "Koi ye kaise bataye" penetrate right through me. No, not that i am falling for the deep romantic meanings of the song...atleast not in the literal sense.

Here are the lyrics that i would love to quote for the sake of me remembering them forever..


Koi ye kaise bataye ke wo tanhaa kyun hai
Wo jo apnaa tha, wahi aur kisi ka kyun hai
Yahee duniya hai to phir, aisi ye duniya kyun hai
Yahee hota hai to aakhir yahee hota kyun hai?

Ik zara haath badhaa de to pakad lein daaman
Us ke seene mein samaa jaaye, humari dhadkan
Itni kurbat hai to fir faasla itna kyun hai?

Dil-e-barbaad se niklaa nahin ab tak koi
Ik lute ghar pe diya karta hai dastak koi
Aas jo toot gayee phir se bndhata kyun hai?

Tum masarrat ka kaho ya ise gham ka rishta
Kehte hain pyar ka rishta hai janam ka rishta
Hai janam ka jo ye rishta to badalta kyun hai?


I still wonder why is this blog public at all, when I don't intend to provide any community service through it.